Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Alternatives of the "NO"

Assalamualaikum wbt

Saya memang kalah part untuk tidak berkata "NO" pada anak-anak.Pada saya dari satu segi bila "NO" tidak digunakan dgn meluas,ianya bagus untuk "self-esteem" anak-anak.But dari segi yang lain ia sepatutnya mencerminkan ketegasan kita sebagai parent.

Mungkin mengambil jalan tengah adalah sebaiknya.Wasathiah namanya dalam Islam.Bila anak tak mahu solat,takkan masih tidak mahu menggunakan "NO".Bila anak tak mahu menutup aurat,masih relevankah kita untuk mencari alasan lain selain bertegas untuk mereka menutup aurat?

Bukan pandai-pandailah kita menggunakan perkataan "NO" tapi sebagai parent kita wajib pandai menggunakan perkataan yang sepatutnya kita guna untuk anak-anak.Remember mereka ini umpama "span".Semua yang dilihat,didengar akan diserap sepenuhnya tanpa sebarang tapisan.Tak tahu belajar.Dah tahu cubalah praktikkan.

Ini ada sikit info dari berkenaan alternatif kepada perkataan "NO".Janganlah taksub sangat sampai perkara yang patut dikata "TIDAK" tidak digunakan diwaktu yang sepatutnya.
Saya pun masih belajar.

Sama-samalah kita cuba menjadi ibu dan bapa yang terbaik untuk anak-anak kita.

“No!” limits…

One day it happens. Your cute, adorable, cuddly baby has turned into a preschooler – and she’s discovered the word “NO”! Emphatic, heartstopping, and powerful. The word no is a favorite among children because they hear it so often from parents when they mean business.

Children are corrected many times in a day – and that’s a lot of negativity thrown at them. Eventually, the word “no” loses its impact and children get so tired of hearing it, they learn to tune parents out. So how can we avoid overuse of the word “no” when relating to our child, but still get the message across that some limits have to be respected? Try using these positive alternatives…

* “Yes, later” Works well when you want to delay something such as a cookie before dinner.

* “Not today” Tells your child that the possibility is open, but the timing is wrong. * “When we’ve done (insert your chore or task of choice) then we can (insert your treat of choice)” This technique is especially good for transition times, for example: “When we get to Grandma’s, then we can have ice-cream.” This also works great to establish a routine and help toddlers discover the order of events in their world: one event often follows another.

* “Let me think about it” Instead of an automatic “no”, you always have the right for time to think about your decision. We often make better parenting decisions when we’ve allowed ourselves time to think about what we’re really being asked, and what response we want to give.

* “Yes, did you bring your allowance with you?” You’re getting across the point that your child can purchase the treat/toy/treasure but you’re not paying for it.

“Yes (with qualifier inserted here)” For example, “Yes, you may eat your chocolate after breakfast”, “yes, you may ride your bike after your homework is done”, “sure, let’s play after the dishes are done.”

Other tips include being sure to tell your child what she can do as opposed to what she can’t do. Instead of “no running!” try “please walk”; instead of “no jumping on the couch” try “couches get broken when jumped on. Please jump on the floor cushions”, or “Let’s use our church voices, instead of our outside voices.”

There’s always a more positive way to state a rule. Personally, when I hit a barrage of “no this, no that” I start to feel negative and uncooperative. No matter what their age, all people respond better when rules are communicated positively. For example, “I’m worried about dirt on the carpet. Let’s take our shoes off in the house.” will elicit much more cooperation than “no shoes in the house”. For just one day, try to avoid the N word and rephrase all your correctives in positive language. Save your nos for absolute safety reasons. See what a difference it makes in the cooperation of your children!


fikaryna said...

wah, jadi ibu bapa zaman skang kena kretif nih..tapi budak2 skang ( pengalaman ngan anak2 sepupu n kwn2 ) kalau kita kata yes, later atau pun not today..nanti dia tuntut..padahal mmg benda 2 dia mmg x bole buat atau x bole dapat..

fuh..kena banyak sabar ek..

ummi said...

thanks for sharing. it's hard not to say no at times esp bila hati dah naik angin.. akak le tu..

ummi said...

thanks for sharing. it's hard not to say no at times esp bila hati dah naik angin.. akak le tu..